A year without Mom.

[foxmonkey]

Mom died a year ago tonight. I took the day off to go to the cemetery but changed my mind. Just not quite there yet. Thought about going and how I haven't been yet, but...unh. Thinking about it gives me a headache. I'll go sometime this week, since I took the rest of the week off, but it was too much today.

I withdrew from things last year, understandably. We didn't have holidays - didn't pass out candy at Halloween, didn't cook at Thanksgiving, and didn't have Christmas. Since my mother would probably kick my butt if we did that this year - she loved the holidays, that's where I got my appreciation for the art of celebration - I'm already making plans. Thanksgiving will be small, probably just me, my father and Mr. Foxmonkey, with an invitation extended to my brother if he wants to join us. I plan on going crazy this Christmas, as that was my mom's favorite, and mine too.

The ushering in of the holidays has already begun. I went to Odd Lots today and found snowman ornaments that look like very delicate milk glass, but they're plastic! Mom probably would have rolled her eyes when I put them in the cart. ;-)

The year's flown by. I thought we'd have years to hang out and shop and talk about NSync (she was a fan), and I feel cheated that she's gone. I've mostly gotten over my anger that she's gone. I'm almost at a place where I can think about her for extended periods without tears. Almost.

If you haven't called your mom for a while, call her. Kiss her. Give her a squeeze. I'm so, so glad that I saw Mom the day before she died. We made plans to go shopping later in the week, plans to see On the Line, and I hugged her and kissed her goodbye. A little over twenty-four hours later she was gone.

I loved her so much; being a typical daughter, unfortunately, I didn't always show it. But I hope that she knew just how much I adored her.

Comments

[coolbandchick.livejournal.com]

{{{{hugs}}}}}

[scot-ty.livejournal.com]

I sent you something last night. When you're ready, check your mail.

Sadness and smiles

[seeksasylum.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear this is such a sad anniversary for you. My dad died four years ago and i still can't think about him without crying. and i'm also so glad i spent time with him that last week before i went back to school and that i talked to him on the phone the night before he died. the first year is a hard one though, and we didn't do holidays or anything that year either. but i'm glad to hear you're doing them this year and doing them in a way that you're comfortable with and keeping your mom with you at heart at the same time. It sounds like you two were close, my dad and i were too, and losing them leaves a hole like nothing else ever could. And i guess what i'm trying to say is. . .i don't even know what i'm trying to say. It sounds trite to say it gets better or easier, because it gets different, that's all. there's nothing else to compare it to to say it's better or easier. but different doesn't have to be bad, and tears aren't bad either. So, I guess I've rambled here enough. Just remember that you're not alone, you've got family and friends and your own guardian angel watching out for you, laughing at the snowmen ornaments you bought. . .

Lissa

[joielee.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I just got home from class and found a message on my machine from my mom. I was going to ignore it and call her back some other time, but after reading your post... I think I'll call her back now.

My friend Rich passed away this summer and his birthday is coming up. I miss him tons right now.

[without-me.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope your mother's memory is a blessing to you, at the holidays and always.

[feenie.livejournal.com]

I have no clue as to what you are going through since both of my parents are alive, but I did have that fear as a child; my dad had three heart attacks in 1976,'77 and '78 and my mom had a minor stroke about 10 yrs ago.

I wish I could make things right for you and help you in some way. I think the only thing I can do is just send you better wishes for the holidays and good thoughts.

[kennedy.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

[arami.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*
I can't ever imagine what you're going through tonight, and through the past year. It's not something I like to dwell on, but I don't know what I'd do with out my mom around, and I wouldn't want to know anytime soon.

I hope the day passed okay for you all things considered. And don't you worry, she knew how much you loved and adored her *hugs*

[runerinrun.livejournal.com]

*hugs* and thank you. My mom and I have been fighting lately and sometimes you just lose sight of the big picture. I don't know what I would do if I lost her. I'll call her tomorrow.

I hope your mom is watching over you and smiling.

[diggybear.livejournal.com]

**big hugs**

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. :( I understand what you are going through. It's going to be 10 years that my mom passed away. Plus, July was the one year anniversary of my aunt's passing and the one year for my dad is coming up too. :( I wish I could say that it gets easier. But I can't. I know that a lot of things especially at the holidays really get to me. I can't even believe it's been 10 years. Like Lissa said, it just gets different. There are no words to explain how it is. And although you felt that you didn't show it enough, I'm positive she knew how much you adored and loved her. Just know you're not alone and you have the love of your family and friends to surround you during this time. *hugs*

She knew....

[stargems.livejournal.com]

Moms have a sixth sense when it comes to the love stuff.

I hope the holidays and the coming year brings you joy and peace. Just rely on your strength of character and sense of humor:)

It will be ten years since my own mother's passing, and the holidays are always so bittersweet. But, I do agree that withdrawing is the worst alternative.

[shaggyncurly.livejournal.com]

:::strokes Foxmonkey’s silky mane:::

JC: To quote Plutarch, "not by lamentations and mournful chants ought we to celebrate the funeral of a good woman, but by hymns, for in ceasing to be numbered with mortals she enters upon the heritage of a diviner life." I hope it gets better, darling.

Justin: I think I'm gonna go call my mama. :::sniffle:::

:::HuGs:::

[ladyviv.livejournal.com]

First of all, I didn't know abouy your loss of your mother until now and I am very sorry to hear that. Though I cannot say that my mom and I are very close, I don't know how would be like if she were gone. I'm from a country with no endearments, hugs and kisses between family and we rarely show our affection to anyone, especially to your own family, but I think I am going to tell her to say thank you.
I hope you will have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas this year.

[fable.livejournal.com]

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My deepest sympathies for you, and admiration for being able to move on.