A year without Mom.
Oct. 1st, 2002 08:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
foxmonkeyMom died a year ago tonight. I took the day off to go to the cemetery but changed my mind. Just not quite there yet. Thought about going and how I haven't been yet, but...unh. Thinking about it gives me a headache. I'll go sometime this week, since I took the rest of the week off, but it was too much today.
I withdrew from things last year, understandably. We didn't have holidays - didn't pass out candy at Halloween, didn't cook at Thanksgiving, and didn't have Christmas. Since my mother would probably kick my butt if we did that this year - she loved the holidays, that's where I got my appreciation for the art of celebration - I'm already making plans. Thanksgiving will be small, probably just me, my father and Mr. Foxmonkey, with an invitation extended to my brother if he wants to join us. I plan on going crazy this Christmas, as that was my mom's favorite, and mine too.
The ushering in of the holidays has already begun. I went to Odd Lots today and found snowman ornaments that look like very delicate milk glass, but they're plastic! Mom probably would have rolled her eyes when I put them in the cart. ;-)
The year's flown by. I thought we'd have years to hang out and shop and talk about NSync (she was a fan), and I feel cheated that she's gone. I've mostly gotten over my anger that she's gone. I'm almost at a place where I can think about her for extended periods without tears. Almost.
If you haven't called your mom for a while, call her. Kiss her. Give her a squeeze. I'm so, so glad that I saw Mom the day before she died. We made plans to go shopping later in the week, plans to see On the Line, and I hugged her and kissed her goodbye. A little over twenty-four hours later she was gone.
I loved her so much; being a typical daughter, unfortunately, I didn't always show it. But I hope that she knew just how much I adored her.
I withdrew from things last year, understandably. We didn't have holidays - didn't pass out candy at Halloween, didn't cook at Thanksgiving, and didn't have Christmas. Since my mother would probably kick my butt if we did that this year - she loved the holidays, that's where I got my appreciation for the art of celebration - I'm already making plans. Thanksgiving will be small, probably just me, my father and Mr. Foxmonkey, with an invitation extended to my brother if he wants to join us. I plan on going crazy this Christmas, as that was my mom's favorite, and mine too.
The ushering in of the holidays has already begun. I went to Odd Lots today and found snowman ornaments that look like very delicate milk glass, but they're plastic! Mom probably would have rolled her eyes when I put them in the cart. ;-)
The year's flown by. I thought we'd have years to hang out and shop and talk about NSync (she was a fan), and I feel cheated that she's gone. I've mostly gotten over my anger that she's gone. I'm almost at a place where I can think about her for extended periods without tears. Almost.
If you haven't called your mom for a while, call her. Kiss her. Give her a squeeze. I'm so, so glad that I saw Mom the day before she died. We made plans to go shopping later in the week, plans to see On the Line, and I hugged her and kissed her goodbye. A little over twenty-four hours later she was gone.
I loved her so much; being a typical daughter, unfortunately, I didn't always show it. But I hope that she knew just how much I adored her.
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no subject
Date: 2002-10-01 08:15 pm (UTC)I am so sorry to hear about your loss. :( I understand what you are going through. It's going to be 10 years that my mom passed away. Plus, July was the one year anniversary of my aunt's passing and the one year for my dad is coming up too. :( I wish I could say that it gets easier. But I can't. I know that a lot of things especially at the holidays really get to me. I can't even believe it's been 10 years. Like Lissa said, it just gets different. There are no words to explain how it is. And although you felt that you didn't show it enough, I'm positive she knew how much you adored and loved her. Just know you're not alone and you have the love of your family and friends to surround you during this time. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2002-10-02 08:38 pm (UTC)I know, it's like, when it first happened I looked forward and it seemed like an eternity ahead of me. But then the next thing you know it's been a week, then two months, and now a year.
Just know you're not alone and you have the love of your family and friends to surround you during this time. *hugs*
(((Diggy))) I'll be thinking of you and your family - everyone in LJ who's lost someone - during the holidays. It's lovely to have both touchable friends and online friends to help get through things. Thanks. :-)
Re:
Date: 2002-10-02 10:05 pm (UTC)