Think it's because we're so awesome?

Pray to every god you know/believe in/don't believe in that you never have to watch a loved one suffer dementia of any type.

My aunt called Hubs!monkey at home last Thursday, concerned that my dad didn't sound quite right. "Didn't sound quite right" is a serious understatement. I wrapped up a few loose ends at work, told the boss that I needed to roll out of there on a family emergency, and a week later here I am still at Dad's house TRYING LIKE MAD to take care of someone who it seems has the confused mind (and stubborn behavior) of a four-year old. I have a host of trials ahead, and I don't know how/if I can stay sane for this. I think I've gotten most of the crying out of the way - when Dad didn't seem to know who am I (and I'm still not convinced he really knows), it just about killed me.

My dad, it turns out, hasn't been taking very good care of himself (he's diabetic), and as it also turns out, he hasn't been telling me everything I need to know about his health. I suppose if I were a better daughter, I'd have pulled the info out of him with a red-hot poker and a set of salad tongs. The CAT scan's been scheduled, and his doctor wants additional blood work. There are health problems on top of the dementia because of course one disaster on its own is never quite enough.

There's a ton of stuff I want to write but can't, at least right now. I should have visited more. I should have pried open his grief over Mom's death, should have taken a really good look inside that squirrely brain of his.

There are a ton of things I need to do to get his affairs in order, the most worrisome detail of which is, how will the dementia/Alzheimer's affect what needs to be done? Power of attorney is the first thing I need to take care of. He doesn't have another appointment until Friday, so the next week will find me on the phone getting the info I need in order to get started.

This is the first time in a week that I've been online. I've been spending my time pretty much shadowing Dad's every shaky move - he's pretty weak, he's confused, and he's living in a split level with three sets of stairs. OH MY GOD. So yeah, not a ton of time spent in an unworried state. I'm glad I brought my laptop because I need a little sanity in my life, seeing how everything else is so uncertain. I'm going to spend a few hours surfing (I hope; for some reason I keep connecting at verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slow speeds), so we'll see what happens. If nothing else, I can write!

Pray for me, kids. I need it.