Ai carumba.

[foxmonkey]

Pray to every god you know/believe in/don't believe in that you never have to watch a loved one suffer dementia of any type.

My aunt called Hubs!monkey at home last Thursday, concerned that my dad didn't sound quite right. "Didn't sound quite right" is a serious understatement. I wrapped up a few loose ends at work, told the boss that I needed to roll out of there on a family emergency, and a week later here I am still at Dad's house TRYING LIKE MAD to take care of someone who it seems has the confused mind (and stubborn behavior) of a four-year old. I have a host of trials ahead, and I don't know how/if I can stay sane for this. I think I've gotten most of the crying out of the way - when Dad didn't seem to know who am I (and I'm still not convinced he really knows), it just about killed me.

My dad, it turns out, hasn't been taking very good care of himself (he's diabetic), and as it also turns out, he hasn't been telling me everything I need to know about his health. I suppose if I were a better daughter, I'd have pulled the info out of him with a red-hot poker and a set of salad tongs. The CAT scan's been scheduled, and his doctor wants additional blood work. There are health problems on top of the dementia because of course one disaster on its own is never quite enough.

There's a ton of stuff I want to write but can't, at least right now. I should have visited more. I should have pried open his grief over Mom's death, should have taken a really good look inside that squirrely brain of his.

There are a ton of things I need to do to get his affairs in order, the most worrisome detail of which is, how will the dementia/Alzheimer's affect what needs to be done? Power of attorney is the first thing I need to take care of. He doesn't have another appointment until Friday, so the next week will find me on the phone getting the info I need in order to get started.

This is the first time in a week that I've been online. I've been spending my time pretty much shadowing Dad's every shaky move - he's pretty weak, he's confused, and he's living in a split level with three sets of stairs. OH MY GOD. So yeah, not a ton of time spent in an unworried state. I'm glad I brought my laptop because I need a little sanity in my life, seeing how everything else is so uncertain. I'm going to spend a few hours surfing (I hope; for some reason I keep connecting at verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slow speeds), so we'll see what happens. If nothing else, I can write!

Pray for me, kids. I need it.

Comments

[joeysdramaqueen.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

My great grandmother had Alzheimer's and while it wasn't as "sudden" as your dad's seems to have been, once her disease was "full blown", it wasn't long til she rarely recognized anyone other than my grandfather (her son).

My thoughts are with you.

[timberho.livejournal.com]

*hugsyoutight*

Hope things turn out okay soon.

[silveryscrape.livejournal.com]

*hugs* The hardest luck of all, for you and your dad and your family. Please let me know if I can do anything to help, anythig you can think of.

[dick-grayson.livejournal.com]

I'm praying hard. This is a "there but for the grace" situation, as we thought we might be going through something similar with my mom, especially once they ruled out *brain tumor* (OMG!) earlier this week. She showed some signs of aging on her MRI, but her problems seem to be mostly related to depression. Worrisome, but at least my dad is still around to help. The only problem with that is that my mom is none too happy with him at the moment, and we can't tell if it's irrational or legitimate. I think I'm more worried what this turn of events will do for him, as he had open heart surgery only three years ago and will be 79 at the end of the month. Hang in there, honey, you're not alone in this.

[canalbaby.livejournal.com]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

I'm not sure where you are, but my mother gots lots of good information, referrals (and contact with a support group) from our county's Council on Aging. Hopefully you have something similar locally.

{{{{{more hugs}}}}}

[likeasunburn.livejournal.com]

No two situations are the same, but I have a sense what you're going through. My Mom got started on kidney dialysis in May, the kind she could do herself at home, and apparently got an infection. No one knew until she had a heart attack and a stroke from a blood clot, we think. She lives out of state and when I called her and she said "Who is this?" it killed me. Thankfully she's slowly regaining her memory and mobility even though she's down to 86 pounds right now and very shaky.

I didn't mean to ramble on about my own situation, just that it was fresh in my mind since I just returned from seeing her for a week. I'm praying hard for you and your dad and sending huge hugs.

[jewelianna.livejournal.com]

I remember how awful it was for my family when my grandfather was at that stage. My thoughts and prayers are on their way to you.

[without-me.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Sending good thoughts your way.

[joanrocks.livejournal.com]

I don't comment too much, but I do read your LJ.

I had a visit last week from my 71 year old mother. She told me a story about her friend Dolly and how painful it was for mom last year when most of the time Dolly didn't know who she was. Dolly's doctor changed her meds (I wish I knew what it was she was taking), and now Dolly is back to her old, sharp and alert self. So, there must be new medications out there for Alzheimer's. I sure you dad's doctor will be looking into everything. Try to stay positive.

[nopseud]

{hugs}

I hope the doctors can do something positive in terms of treatment to improve the situation, or at least come up with a solid diagnosis so that you have a better idea of how things stand.

I know how hard dealing with something like this can be. Don't forget to take good care of yourself in the middle of it all.

[dine.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

what a hard place to be - there's so much emotional and logistical crap to deal with at the same time. I remember how my grandmother's decline troubled my mom (and other local-area relatives); but there wasn't much to be done medically for her.

lots of more recent advances hopefully mean your dad will respond positively - I'm thinking of you!

[scot-ty.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry that things have gotten worse. I hope you plan to call your brother to help you with this. You're going to need time to clear your head and to be with Mr. Foxmonkey. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

[tazlet.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. I've been through--I sat in the King Dome in Seattle one afternoon, crying, crying, crying because my father who had forgetten so much asked if there was anything he could have done better and it was too late to talk. Get help. Take care of yourself.

[laurabryannan.livejournal.com]

That sounds totally frightening! Good luck pulling everything together. Is there any other family member you can lean on? Know you're in my prayers, sweetie.

[brighton-girl.livejournal.com]

Goodness, it's scary when our parents get older. I know I am going through that with my dad too. Thankfully my mother is doing very well and helps my dad.

I will keep your dad (and you and your hubby) in my thoughts and prayers.

[copracat]

Hey, I'll be thinking positive thoughts in your direction. What a tough, tough situation to abruptly find yourself in.

[babygotbass.livejournal.com]

Oh, Fox. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. You dad is lucky he has you *hugs*

[salt-rose.livejournal.com]

I feel terrible posting this when you have so many important things to worry about, but I've seen recs everywhere for lots of your popslash fic, including Chasez Lake, and I wondered where I could find any of it, since your webpage seems to be down. I'll definitely be praying for you and your father.

[ibythetide.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

You've got every bit of love and support that I can squeeze out.

[ebullient-k.livejournal.com]

I saw scot_ty's post on my friends' list wishing you well, so I was curious and concerned, though I don't know you except by your writing (Nsync fandom for me).
Dementia is so tough. My aunt was just diagnosed with a mix of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, and it was very sudden as well. I just wanted to say my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.