Thoughts from a weirdly-wired brain.

[foxmonkey]

So, I've been thinking pretty constantly the last few days. Feeling bad and whatnot about stuff. As if that's not enough, work's being a pain in the ass, and sometimes I wish I could either retire (yeah, that's a half a lifetime away), or just plain quit. Just...too much.

So, in the midst of puppies-all-together happiness, feeling low. Wondering (yeah, cause it's *all* about me), whether my jackass moves put a crimp in someone else's enjoyment. WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO SQUEE, DAMMIT!

So, tonight in the midst of such thoughts, considered (turning it over and examining from all angles), leaving the fandom. Eeee, Ilovethemsomuch! But yes, considered closing up shop and just admiring from afar. Maybe squealing amongst - if not with - friends. Finishing up whatever's in progress and letting that be it. Jeebus.

So, I looked at the Grammy tape. Again, and again. Quite a few times, and found myself smiling. Listening for JC's voice. Watching Justin do that sweet little beat-boxing body bop. Smiling at the way, in the "living in a world of fools," line, Lance's lower lip pokes out when he sings "fools." Drooling over Lance who looked unfriggin'believably gorgeous, knocking Justin from his number two spot. Watching JC head-bopping to Justin's beat, loving his "ba-dum-bow-bow" line. Loving the way JC and Justin, smiling and looking at each other, let doubters know that they're still friends, that they still pretty clearly adore each other.

Love, love, love these guys.

So. I still feel bad, but I feel better about fandom, and my place in it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere as long as JC Chasez is singing and dancing for my enjoyment. I'm off to cry for a little while and then jump back in with both feet.

JC!

Comments

[demrepic.livejournal.com]

Yea! 'cause, umm, Little Boy Blue, and Chasez Lake, mmmm, its good stuff. In fact some of the first stuff I ever read when I started trolling around in the fandom. And it totally got me hooked. And all of a sudden I went from "RPS, you've got to be kidding, thats just sick." to "Oh yea, new JuC!"

The upshot being that I'm glad you are sticking around. I hope everything else gets better for you.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

Yea! 'cause, umm, Little Boy Blue, and Chasez Lake, mmmm, its good stuff. In fact some of the first stuff I ever read when I started trolling around in the fandom. And it totally got me hooked. And all of a sudden I went from "RPS, you've got to be kidding, thats just sick." to "Oh yea, new JuC!"

Bwahaha! Another RPS/JuC convert! I'm so proud.

I've been working on some things; I really, *really* want to get the next part of Chasez Lake out before JC and/or Justin need Viagra. ;-)


The upshot being that I'm glad you are sticking around.

Thanks! :-) I love NSync too much to disappear just yet.


I hope everything else gets better for you.

I'm hopeful, but things don't look good so far. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

[without-me.livejournal.com]

You know what? If someone else is upset as a result of your happiness, that's really their problem, not yours. And giving up that happiness isn't really going to help them; it's only going to hurt you.

So, if you ask me--squee all you want. I may or may not agree with you on every point, but it sure doesn't make my day worse to see someone else bouncing and singing.

Other people's mileage may vary, but again--IMO--as long as your happiness isn't based on someone else's misfortune, that's their problem. Not yours.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

You know what? If someone else is upset as a result of your happiness, that's really their problem, not yours.

Man, I am *bad* with this communication thing. ;-) Nope, no one's upset because I'm happy. Other way around, I'm hoping I didn't ruin the night for someone else. I think I might have, but I'm not sure, but I think I did. But I don't know. I'm hoping not.

[without-me.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, I misinterpreted, then. Okay, looking at it the other way: If there was something you didn't like that they did like? Eh. Move on. We all have our opinions, and often--shockingly enough--they differ! Some of my best friends are Justin girls, man! ;-) If my take on--for the sake of argument--JC's hair isn't the same as yours, well, big whoop.

Of course it's nice to take other people's feelings into consideration. But (1) in the end, it's your journal, and (2) there's a big difference between--again for the sake of argument--"I was disappointed with how they sounded," and "Anybody who thinks they sounded good is a stupid fuckin' idiot and should be banned from fandom entirely." I may or may not agree with the former, but I don't think there's anything offensive about saying it.

And now it's time for me to get back to cheerleading (and offending some of my friends who would rather not hear about it three times a day for months on end <g>).

Hang in there, hon.

[feenie.livejournal.com]

Ms Fox, no clue as to what brought on the sadness....but want a hug? {{Ms Fox}}

If the reason you are upset is because someone doesn't like you being in the fandom, I must protest. You are wonderful to this fandom; all the effort on your sites, the pain and care that you give to them, and your fics!! If you have to go, I would miss you terribly, but like I said to another person, don't let it bring you down and ruin your happiness.

Think about it, please?

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

If you have to go, I would miss you terribly, but like I said to another person, don't let it bring you down and ruin your happiness.

Thanks, I'd miss everyone, too. :-)


If the reason you are upset is because someone doesn't like you being in the fandom

Eeek! No, I hope I didn't give that impression. That's not it at all. :-)

I'm hoping that I didn't push someone *else* out of fandom. Not because I don't like them, but because I'm an idiot. I'm hoping things are resolved.

[kaelie.livejournal.com]

Puzzled about whatever kerfuffle is bringin' you down, but sending the empathetic vibes. And doesn't it suck that real life seems to conspire with fandom kerfuffles to make you sad?

Can cheer you up with some hard core Bad!fic? :) C'mon, join me in hell.

Also had to say - Lance looked so unbelievable lately, he actually makes Justin look homely to me and that's saying something. :)

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

Can cheer you up with some hard core Bad!fic? :) C'mon, join me in hell.

Aiii! I saw your earlier entry and wondered, but I looked around and now I know. ;-)


Also had to say - Lance looked so unbelievable lately, he actually makes Justin look homely to me and that's saying something. :)

Oh. My. God. I'm used to being stunned stupid by new pics (or old ones!) of the Chasez - that's just my life. But, man-oh-Manischewitz, Lance was working some *serious* hotness vibes on Sunday!

I kept thinking that something about him is different, but I can't figure out what it is. I don't think it's the tan, though it could be that simple. It's something very small, but significant. I'm thinking maybe he got the mad curve (and length) of his brows under control, but I haven't done the hardcore investigation needed for that. I've been too busy lusting after the new prettierness. ;-)

Oooh, I wanna have Lance's babies. Sorry, Justin, you'll have to live life from the #3 spot for a while.

[ibythetide.livejournal.com]

So I'm so totally not knowing what's going on, and I know that you're better, but! You have my well wishes and bumbling attempts at making you feel good about yourself. :)

Also, Chasez Lake? Dude! I remember that story and it was like, so totally amazing. Glad to hear it's being worked on as I love it with all my cold little heart.

Not worth it.

[jdq.livejournal.com]

(sorry just found ur LJ)JDQ from the closet)

I know where you are at right now. I attempted and contemplated leaving this "world" as well I think sometime in 2001-- and that was even before Joshtin came up. You are probably older than me, but I am a Junior in High School and I am still a fan. I've liked them since sixth grade. The time/moment in my life when I am supposed to grow up and "ditch them" will be after I graduate in 2004. But you see, they make me happy, and people that are fans of them and the Closet make me happy. So why would you give up something that makes you happy? So, say I did want to move on after graduation... there's one problem. They are going to be touring that summer. There's people that are like 34 that are fans that are ashamed so why should we let it affect us? If YOU want to leave because you don't have a thing for it anymore, it no longer makes you happy or makes you squeel like a little girl, then fine. But don't do it for someone else or because of what other people think. I learned that. I made it two weeks without all this, without writing and without them and it was horrible. I'm not changing for someone else.
And think about this... how many people fell in love with those boys because of you? Baby Blue, Chasez Lake? they are like classics and they aren't even finished yet! And Stop The Presses... amazing. Your needed in here... there's a lot of people who write Joshtin... but there's not a lot of people who WRITE joshtin. I just think this "fandom" or "the closet" or w/e is going to be seriously set back and missing a key component if you leave.