Thoughts from a weirdly-wired brain.
Feb. 25th, 2003 06:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
foxmonkeySo, I've been thinking pretty constantly the last few days. Feeling bad and whatnot about stuff. As if that's not enough, work's being a pain in the ass, and sometimes I wish I could either retire (yeah, that's a half a lifetime away), or just plain quit. Just...too much.
So, in the midst of puppies-all-together happiness, feeling low. Wondering (yeah, cause it's *all* about me), whether my jackass moves put a crimp in someone else's enjoyment. WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO SQUEE, DAMMIT!
So, tonight in the midst of such thoughts, considered (turning it over and examining from all angles), leaving the fandom. Eeee, Ilovethemsomuch! But yes, considered closing up shop and just admiring from afar. Maybe squealing amongst - if not with - friends. Finishing up whatever's in progress and letting that be it. Jeebus.
So, I looked at the Grammy tape. Again, and again. Quite a few times, and found myself smiling. Listening for JC's voice. Watching Justin do that sweet little beat-boxing body bop. Smiling at the way, in the "living in a world of fools," line, Lance's lower lip pokes out when he sings "fools." Drooling over Lance who looked unfriggin'believably gorgeous, knocking Justin from his number two spot. Watching JC head-bopping to Justin's beat, loving his "ba-dum-bow-bow" line. Loving the way JC and Justin, smiling and looking at each other, let doubters know that they're still friends, that they still pretty clearly adore each other.
Love, love, love these guys.
So. I still feel bad, but I feel better about fandom, and my place in it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere as long as JC Chasez is singing and dancing for my enjoyment. I'm off to cry for a little while and then jump back in with both feet.
JC!
So, in the midst of puppies-all-together happiness, feeling low. Wondering (yeah, cause it's *all* about me), whether my jackass moves put a crimp in someone else's enjoyment. WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO SQUEE, DAMMIT!
So, tonight in the midst of such thoughts, considered (turning it over and examining from all angles), leaving the fandom. Eeee, Ilovethemsomuch! But yes, considered closing up shop and just admiring from afar. Maybe squealing amongst - if not with - friends. Finishing up whatever's in progress and letting that be it. Jeebus.
So, I looked at the Grammy tape. Again, and again. Quite a few times, and found myself smiling. Listening for JC's voice. Watching Justin do that sweet little beat-boxing body bop. Smiling at the way, in the "living in a world of fools," line, Lance's lower lip pokes out when he sings "fools." Drooling over Lance who looked unfriggin'believably gorgeous, knocking Justin from his number two spot. Watching JC head-bopping to Justin's beat, loving his "ba-dum-bow-bow" line. Loving the way JC and Justin, smiling and looking at each other, let doubters know that they're still friends, that they still pretty clearly adore each other.
Love, love, love these guys.
So. I still feel bad, but I feel better about fandom, and my place in it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere as long as JC Chasez is singing and dancing for my enjoyment. I'm off to cry for a little while and then jump back in with both feet.
JC!
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Date: 2003-02-25 07:37 pm (UTC)Aiii! I saw your earlier entry and wondered, but I looked around and now I know. ;-)
Also had to say - Lance looked so unbelievable lately, he actually makes Justin look homely to me and that's saying something. :)
Oh. My. God. I'm used to being stunned stupid by new pics (or old ones!) of the Chasez - that's just my life. But, man-oh-Manischewitz, Lance was working some *serious* hotness vibes on Sunday!
I kept thinking that something about him is different, but I can't figure out what it is. I don't think it's the tan, though it could be that simple. It's something very small, but significant. I'm thinking maybe he got the mad curve (and length) of his brows under control, but I haven't done the hardcore investigation needed for that. I've been too busy lusting after the new prettierness. ;-)
Oooh, I wanna have Lance's babies. Sorry, Justin, you'll have to live life from the #3 spot for a while.