Thoughts from a weirdly-wired brain.

[foxmonkey]

So, I've been thinking pretty constantly the last few days. Feeling bad and whatnot about stuff. As if that's not enough, work's being a pain in the ass, and sometimes I wish I could either retire (yeah, that's a half a lifetime away), or just plain quit. Just...too much.

So, in the midst of puppies-all-together happiness, feeling low. Wondering (yeah, cause it's *all* about me), whether my jackass moves put a crimp in someone else's enjoyment. WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO SQUEE, DAMMIT!

So, tonight in the midst of such thoughts, considered (turning it over and examining from all angles), leaving the fandom. Eeee, Ilovethemsomuch! But yes, considered closing up shop and just admiring from afar. Maybe squealing amongst - if not with - friends. Finishing up whatever's in progress and letting that be it. Jeebus.

So, I looked at the Grammy tape. Again, and again. Quite a few times, and found myself smiling. Listening for JC's voice. Watching Justin do that sweet little beat-boxing body bop. Smiling at the way, in the "living in a world of fools," line, Lance's lower lip pokes out when he sings "fools." Drooling over Lance who looked unfriggin'believably gorgeous, knocking Justin from his number two spot. Watching JC head-bopping to Justin's beat, loving his "ba-dum-bow-bow" line. Loving the way JC and Justin, smiling and looking at each other, let doubters know that they're still friends, that they still pretty clearly adore each other.

Love, love, love these guys.

So. I still feel bad, but I feel better about fandom, and my place in it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere as long as JC Chasez is singing and dancing for my enjoyment. I'm off to cry for a little while and then jump back in with both feet.

JC!

Comments

[without-me.livejournal.com]

You know what? If someone else is upset as a result of your happiness, that's really their problem, not yours. And giving up that happiness isn't really going to help them; it's only going to hurt you.

So, if you ask me--squee all you want. I may or may not agree with you on every point, but it sure doesn't make my day worse to see someone else bouncing and singing.

Other people's mileage may vary, but again--IMO--as long as your happiness isn't based on someone else's misfortune, that's their problem. Not yours.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

You know what? If someone else is upset as a result of your happiness, that's really their problem, not yours.

Man, I am *bad* with this communication thing. ;-) Nope, no one's upset because I'm happy. Other way around, I'm hoping I didn't ruin the night for someone else. I think I might have, but I'm not sure, but I think I did. But I don't know. I'm hoping not.

[without-me.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, I misinterpreted, then. Okay, looking at it the other way: If there was something you didn't like that they did like? Eh. Move on. We all have our opinions, and often--shockingly enough--they differ! Some of my best friends are Justin girls, man! ;-) If my take on--for the sake of argument--JC's hair isn't the same as yours, well, big whoop.

Of course it's nice to take other people's feelings into consideration. But (1) in the end, it's your journal, and (2) there's a big difference between--again for the sake of argument--"I was disappointed with how they sounded," and "Anybody who thinks they sounded good is a stupid fuckin' idiot and should be banned from fandom entirely." I may or may not agree with the former, but I don't think there's anything offensive about saying it.

And now it's time for me to get back to cheerleading (and offending some of my friends who would rather not hear about it three times a day for months on end <g>).

Hang in there, hon.