Thoughts from a weirdly-wired brain.
Feb. 25th, 2003 06:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
foxmonkeySo, I've been thinking pretty constantly the last few days. Feeling bad and whatnot about stuff. As if that's not enough, work's being a pain in the ass, and sometimes I wish I could either retire (yeah, that's a half a lifetime away), or just plain quit. Just...too much.
So, in the midst of puppies-all-together happiness, feeling low. Wondering (yeah, cause it's *all* about me), whether my jackass moves put a crimp in someone else's enjoyment. WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO SQUEE, DAMMIT!
So, tonight in the midst of such thoughts, considered (turning it over and examining from all angles), leaving the fandom. Eeee, Ilovethemsomuch! But yes, considered closing up shop and just admiring from afar. Maybe squealing amongst - if not with - friends. Finishing up whatever's in progress and letting that be it. Jeebus.
So, I looked at the Grammy tape. Again, and again. Quite a few times, and found myself smiling. Listening for JC's voice. Watching Justin do that sweet little beat-boxing body bop. Smiling at the way, in the "living in a world of fools," line, Lance's lower lip pokes out when he sings "fools." Drooling over Lance who looked unfriggin'believably gorgeous, knocking Justin from his number two spot. Watching JC head-bopping to Justin's beat, loving his "ba-dum-bow-bow" line. Loving the way JC and Justin, smiling and looking at each other, let doubters know that they're still friends, that they still pretty clearly adore each other.
Love, love, love these guys.
So. I still feel bad, but I feel better about fandom, and my place in it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere as long as JC Chasez is singing and dancing for my enjoyment. I'm off to cry for a little while and then jump back in with both feet.
JC!
So, in the midst of puppies-all-together happiness, feeling low. Wondering (yeah, cause it's *all* about me), whether my jackass moves put a crimp in someone else's enjoyment. WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO SQUEE, DAMMIT!
So, tonight in the midst of such thoughts, considered (turning it over and examining from all angles), leaving the fandom. Eeee, Ilovethemsomuch! But yes, considered closing up shop and just admiring from afar. Maybe squealing amongst - if not with - friends. Finishing up whatever's in progress and letting that be it. Jeebus.
So, I looked at the Grammy tape. Again, and again. Quite a few times, and found myself smiling. Listening for JC's voice. Watching Justin do that sweet little beat-boxing body bop. Smiling at the way, in the "living in a world of fools," line, Lance's lower lip pokes out when he sings "fools." Drooling over Lance who looked unfriggin'believably gorgeous, knocking Justin from his number two spot. Watching JC head-bopping to Justin's beat, loving his "ba-dum-bow-bow" line. Loving the way JC and Justin, smiling and looking at each other, let doubters know that they're still friends, that they still pretty clearly adore each other.
Love, love, love these guys.
So. I still feel bad, but I feel better about fandom, and my place in it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere as long as JC Chasez is singing and dancing for my enjoyment. I'm off to cry for a little while and then jump back in with both feet.
JC!
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Not worth it.
Date: 2003-02-26 07:54 am (UTC)I know where you are at right now. I attempted and contemplated leaving this "world" as well I think sometime in 2001-- and that was even before Joshtin came up. You are probably older than me, but I am a Junior in High School and I am still a fan. I've liked them since sixth grade. The time/moment in my life when I am supposed to grow up and "ditch them" will be after I graduate in 2004. But you see, they make me happy, and people that are fans of them and the Closet make me happy. So why would you give up something that makes you happy? So, say I did want to move on after graduation... there's one problem. They are going to be touring that summer. There's people that are like 34 that are fans that are ashamed so why should we let it affect us? If YOU want to leave because you don't have a thing for it anymore, it no longer makes you happy or makes you squeel like a little girl, then fine. But don't do it for someone else or because of what other people think. I learned that. I made it two weeks without all this, without writing and without them and it was horrible. I'm not changing for someone else.
And think about this... how many people fell in love with those boys because of you? Baby Blue, Chasez Lake? they are like classics and they aren't even finished yet! And Stop The Presses... amazing. Your needed in here... there's a lot of people who write Joshtin... but there's not a lot of people who WRITE joshtin. I just think this "fandom" or "the closet" or w/e is going to be seriously set back and missing a key component if you leave.