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Thoughts from a weirdly-wired brain.
Feb. 25th, 2003 06:16 pmSo, I've been thinking pretty constantly the last few days. Feeling bad and whatnot about stuff. As if that's not enough, work's being a pain in the ass, and sometimes I wish I could either retire (yeah, that's a half a lifetime away), or just plain quit. Just...too much.
So, in the midst of puppies-all-together happiness, feeling low. Wondering (yeah, cause it's *all* about me), whether my jackass moves put a crimp in someone else's enjoyment. WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO SQUEE, DAMMIT!
So, tonight in the midst of such thoughts, considered (turning it over and examining from all angles), leaving the fandom. Eeee, Ilovethemsomuch! But yes, considered closing up shop and just admiring from afar. Maybe squealing amongst - if not with - friends. Finishing up whatever's in progress and letting that be it. Jeebus.
So, I looked at the Grammy tape. Again, and again. Quite a few times, and found myself smiling. Listening for JC's voice. Watching Justin do that sweet little beat-boxing body bop. Smiling at the way, in the "living in a world of fools," line, Lance's lower lip pokes out when he sings "fools." Drooling over Lance who looked unfriggin'believably gorgeous, knocking Justin from his number two spot. Watching JC head-bopping to Justin's beat, loving his "ba-dum-bow-bow" line. Loving the way JC and Justin, smiling and looking at each other, let doubters know that they're still friends, that they still pretty clearly adore each other.
Love, love, love these guys.
So. I still feel bad, but I feel better about fandom, and my place in it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere as long as JC Chasez is singing and dancing for my enjoyment. I'm off to cry for a little while and then jump back in with both feet.
JC!
So, in the midst of puppies-all-together happiness, feeling low. Wondering (yeah, cause it's *all* about me), whether my jackass moves put a crimp in someone else's enjoyment. WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO SQUEE, DAMMIT!
So, tonight in the midst of such thoughts, considered (turning it over and examining from all angles), leaving the fandom. Eeee, Ilovethemsomuch! But yes, considered closing up shop and just admiring from afar. Maybe squealing amongst - if not with - friends. Finishing up whatever's in progress and letting that be it. Jeebus.
So, I looked at the Grammy tape. Again, and again. Quite a few times, and found myself smiling. Listening for JC's voice. Watching Justin do that sweet little beat-boxing body bop. Smiling at the way, in the "living in a world of fools," line, Lance's lower lip pokes out when he sings "fools." Drooling over Lance who looked unfriggin'believably gorgeous, knocking Justin from his number two spot. Watching JC head-bopping to Justin's beat, loving his "ba-dum-bow-bow" line. Loving the way JC and Justin, smiling and looking at each other, let doubters know that they're still friends, that they still pretty clearly adore each other.
Love, love, love these guys.
So. I still feel bad, but I feel better about fandom, and my place in it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere as long as JC Chasez is singing and dancing for my enjoyment. I'm off to cry for a little while and then jump back in with both feet.
JC!
