War in our lifetime.

Sitting here bawling - again. I'm stunned - like most of the world, I suspect.

The Federal buildings were cleared out yesterday, and it must have been the same across the country, according to posts and email I've seen. Work was *bizarre*, to sum it up in a word.

I have two monitors, a PC and a workstation, so all day I had news up on one screen while I worked (tried to work) on the other. It was oddly quiet, too. Lots of small groups, or pairs, talking very quietly about what was going on. Computer speakers turned up slightly so people could hear streaming news (that's usually a no-no). In areas that had them, TV monitors used for training tapes were turned to the news. Groups of senior management were clustered together, talking about what was going on in our home office.

Security guards patrolled the parking lots and garage all day, and walked the halls of the building. While it was an effort to make sure we were safe (which seems almost laughable given what happened in NYC), it also weirded me out on a major scale. I felt physically ill all day, and close to tears quite a few times. An act of war on American soil, in my lifetime. It's almost too much to comprehend.

When I got home I watched news reports for about two and a half hours straight, and had about five seperate meltdowns. I'm a major whinin' baby when it comes to flying, and I can't even imagine the horror, the terror of those people on the jets. The film footage - Jesus! And then the buildings crumbling, just falling. Gone. Just gone. All those people.

Another day begins, and who knows what's going to happen. I hope that everyone I know and love will be safe today. I wish that everyone around the world could be safe today, but we all know that's not going to happen. But I'll do it anyway. I hope everyone around the world will be safe today. Things have got to get better. They *have* to.

Quiet.

Isn't it weird when you first wake up and you're kind of drifting, thinking, then you remember something like a bill that's overdue, or you forgot to deliver an important phone message - or your country got bombed?

I've teared up a couple of times since I got home, but no sobs yet. I've had a headache since yesterday, and my eyes feel like they're gonna explode. Still no email yet from my father-in-law, who travels frequently. Sister-in-law in NJ is ok; they're about 40 miles from NYC, and she said the insurance office where she works was insane yesterday. But she's safe, thank goodness.

Thought I had more to say, but my brain is jumping from place to place. Maybe some mac and cheese and aspirin would help.

And on a completely bizarre tangent: all of NSync, save Chris, are eligible for the draft. The cutoff is 26, I believe.

And it was an absolutely beautiful day today, a postcard perfect early fall day in the Midwest. Blue, blue skies with not a plane in sight. Freakin' bizarre to grow up with planes zooming over your head so often you don't even notice them anymore, and in the space of a few friggin' hours, the sight of a helicopter on the horizon is surreal.

These are the times when language fails.