Eyes Wide Shut. Aiiiii! Pluck them out!!!!!!

Watched the last half of Eyes Wide Shut this morning. Speaking of eyes wide shut, I wish mine had been when I saw this posted in the guide. That way I'd have passed it by. Aiiiii!

Is it me, or did that screenplay suck a million smegma-fied monkey balls??? I swear, half the dialogue was made up of Tom Cruise's character repeating what someone had already said.


Actress: "I have to go downtown tomorrow."

Dr. Bill (stares at Actress in an extremely wooden way): "You have to go downtown tomorrow?"

Actress: "Yes, I need to get tomatoes. Do you want to go?"

Dr. Bill: "Do I want to go?"


Aiiiii! Kill me now! Better yet, kill *him*!

And also, the man has two expressions. He's not on my list of favorite actors, but I really liked Minority Report and. Hmmm. Something else he was in. But OY, with the agony of wooden acting in this one! Director's fault, maybe? Yikes.

Movie critiques. Why stop now?

I have just watched the slashiest movie ever made. Ever. Bar none. *The* slashiest. It's The Return of the King, for those of you who don't know. I bought the DVD a week or so ago, and I've been looking forward to watching it.

There's three hours and 20 minutes of my life I won't get back. ::grrrr::

But before I jump into that, here's a PSA for anyone who missed JC's Faking the Video the first (second, eighty-fifth) times around - it's on again tonight at 8:30 p.m. Woohoo!

Cutting for those who still haven't seen it, or have no interest in my *fascinating* thoughts on this movie.

( LotR: RotK - Twenty bucks! Three hours! Aiiii! )

And now a little love to balance out the vitriol: I am so in love with the Hobbits. I've never considered myself a Hobbit girl (Legolas has my heart) but man alive, this was definitely their movie. I warmed up to them big time in the second one, but this one put me over. If I had to pick a favorite, it would be Pippin. Hobbit love makes me squishy.

Aragorn! Eeeeee! How sexy is he? Love the way he walks, that kind of "yeah, I'm bad" side to side moving thing he does. Not a swagger, but he definitely oozes confidence.

Legolas!!! How I love Legolas. I'm not sure what the difference was, but he looked even more gorgeous in this movie. I love his fight scenes because he's the baddest thing out there. It's no wonder he and Aragorn are sooper-sekrit boyfriends. Or maybe not so sooper-sekrit. ;-)

This movie is all about boylove. Sam and Frodo. Pippin and Merry. Gimli loves Legolas but sadly, Legolas belongs to Aragorn. And I can forgive Aragorn for being in love with Arwen the Elf girl because it's obvious that Legolas is his *true* love.

When Legolas comes to visit you know he and Aragorn disappear for a few days. Arwen's cool with it because she understands that you just can't fight the boylove.