foxmonkey | A year without Mom.

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A year without Mom.

Mom died a year ago tonight. I took the day off to go to the cemetery but changed my mind. Just not quite there yet. Thought about going and how I haven't been yet, but...unh. Thinking about it gives me a headache. I'll go sometime this week, since I took the rest of the week off, but it was too much today.

I withdrew from things last year, understandably. We didn't have holidays - didn't pass out candy at Halloween, didn't cook at Thanksgiving, and didn't have Christmas. Since my mother would probably kick my butt if we did that this year - she loved the holidays, that's where I got my appreciation for the art of celebration - I'm already making plans. Thanksgiving will be small, probably just me, my father and Mr. Foxmonkey, with an invitation extended to my brother if he wants to join us. I plan on going crazy this Christmas, as that was my mom's favorite, and mine too.

The ushering in of the holidays has already begun. I went to Odd Lots today and found snowman ornaments that look like very delicate milk glass, but they're plastic! Mom probably would have rolled her eyes when I put them in the cart. ;-)

The year's flown by. I thought we'd have years to hang out and shop and talk about NSync (she was a fan), and I feel cheated that she's gone. I've mostly gotten over my anger that she's gone. I'm almost at a place where I can think about her for extended periods without tears. Almost.

If you haven't called your mom for a while, call her. Kiss her. Give her a squeeze. I'm so, so glad that I saw Mom the day before she died. We made plans to go shopping later in the week, plans to see On the Line, and I hugged her and kissed her goodbye. A little over twenty-four hours later she was gone.

I loved her so much; being a typical daughter, unfortunately, I didn't always show it. But I hope that she knew just how much I adored her.

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{{{{hugs}}}}}

*hugs back* Thank you.

I sent you something last night. When you're ready, check your mail.

I sent you something last night.

Hiya, sweetie! Hmmm, I don't see it. I checked Excite too, in case you sent something there. Can you resend?

Boo. Can you go to Yahoo Greetings? It says the card was delivered yesterday. Let me know if it shows there.

Ahhhh, I bet I know what happened.

The new and improved Yahoo! now spams its members like crazy. I receive about 60 pieces of spam from Yahoo! a day. There's a Spamguard feature that filters most of the stuff into a junk mailbox, though a few things get through to my regular mailbox. I empty the junk mailbox without even looking at it.

I bet the card notification was caught by Spamguard and filtered into the junk mailbox. Friggin' Yahoo!!!

(((((Scotty)))))) Thank you for the thought, darlin'. Love you.

I'm sorry to hear this is such a sad anniversary for you. My dad died four years ago and i still can't think about him without crying. and i'm also so glad i spent time with him that last week before i went back to school and that i talked to him on the phone the night before he died. the first year is a hard one though, and we didn't do holidays or anything that year either. but i'm glad to hear you're doing them this year and doing them in a way that you're comfortable with and keeping your mom with you at heart at the same time. It sounds like you two were close, my dad and i were too, and losing them leaves a hole like nothing else ever could. And i guess what i'm trying to say is. . .i don't even know what i'm trying to say. It sounds trite to say it gets better or easier, because it gets different, that's all. there's nothing else to compare it to to say it's better or easier. but different doesn't have to be bad, and tears aren't bad either. So, I guess I've rambled here enough. Just remember that you're not alone, you've got family and friends and your own guardian angel watching out for you, laughing at the snowmen ornaments you bought. . .

Lissa

It sounds trite to say it gets better or easier, because it gets different, that's all.

This reached out and grabbed me, and it's so, so true. It's just different. I still have the odd flash where I see something and think Mom will like it, or something will happen and I'll think, "I'll have to tell Mom about that," but yeah, it's different. And it's not easier, that's true, I think it's just a little less of a shock when you do remember that you can't show her or tell her.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. (((Lissa)))

laughing at the snowmen ornaments you bought. . .

They're my personal Christmas weakness. I can hear her in my head: "*How* many of those things do you have?"

(a little over 200, but don't tell anyone) :-)

I do that too! I was watching a movie the other day and was like, i can't wait to tell dad about this, we can see it again next time i'm home. and then it's like oh. yeah. but yeah, it's not easier, but it is different and it does get to be less of a shock,or at least less frequent of shock.

and there's nothing wrong with a snowman weakness and i will certainly keep your secret. :)

Lissa

*hugs* I just got home from class and found a message on my machine from my mom. I was going to ignore it and call her back some other time, but after reading your post... I think I'll call her back now.

My friend Rich passed away this summer and his birthday is coming up. I miss him tons right now.

but after reading your post... I think I'll call her back now.

I hope you did. *hugs back*

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Life's bittersweet, isn't it? My birthday's tomorrow and yours is today, and in between the happy stuff, there's sadness. Though it sounds better the other way, that there's sadness between the happy.

I hope you have a wonderful day today, and that the coming year holds more happy than sad. :-)

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope your mother's memory is a blessing to you, at the holidays and always.

I hope your mother's memory is a blessing to you, at the holidays and always.

Thank you so much. I was lucky to have her. :-)

I have no clue as to what you are going through since both of my parents are alive, but I did have that fear as a child; my dad had three heart attacks in 1976,'77 and '78 and my mom had a minor stroke about 10 yrs ago.

I wish I could make things right for you and help you in some way. I think the only thing I can do is just send you better wishes for the holidays and good thoughts.

I think the only thing I can do is just send you better wishes for the holidays and good thoughts.

Actually, that's enough; good wishes mean a lot. (((Feenie))) Thanks.

::hugs::

Hugs back to you, and thanks. *hugs*

*HUGS*
I can't ever imagine what you're going through tonight, and through the past year. It's not something I like to dwell on, but I don't know what I'd do with out my mom around, and I wouldn't want to know anytime soon.

I hope the day passed okay for you all things considered. And don't you worry, she knew how much you loved and adored her *hugs*

I don't know what I'd do with out my mom around, and I wouldn't want to know anytime soon.

I hope she's around a loooooong time. :-)

And don't you worry, she knew how much you loved and adored her *hugs*

Thank you. (((Arami)))

*hugs* and thank you. My mom and I have been fighting lately and sometimes you just lose sight of the big picture. I don't know what I would do if I lost her. I'll call her tomorrow.

I hope your mom is watching over you and smiling.

I don't know what I would do if I lost her. I'll call her tomorrow.

I hope you did. :-)

I hope your mom is watching over you and smiling.

Thank you! I hope she is, too. (((Erin)))

**big hugs**

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. :( I understand what you are going through. It's going to be 10 years that my mom passed away. Plus, July was the one year anniversary of my aunt's passing and the one year for my dad is coming up too. :( I wish I could say that it gets easier. But I can't. I know that a lot of things especially at the holidays really get to me. I can't even believe it's been 10 years. Like Lissa said, it just gets different. There are no words to explain how it is. And although you felt that you didn't show it enough, I'm positive she knew how much you adored and loved her. Just know you're not alone and you have the love of your family and friends to surround you during this time. *hugs*

I can't even believe it's been 10 years.

I know, it's like, when it first happened I looked forward and it seemed like an eternity ahead of me. But then the next thing you know it's been a week, then two months, and now a year.

Just know you're not alone and you have the love of your family and friends to surround you during this time. *hugs*

(((Diggy))) I'll be thinking of you and your family - everyone in LJ who's lost someone - during the holidays. It's lovely to have both touchable friends and online friends to help get through things. Thanks. :-)

*hugs* Thanks. I'll be thinking of you and your family during the holidays as well. And if you ever want to talk, just e-mail or IM me.

Moms have a sixth sense when it comes to the love stuff.

I hope the holidays and the coming year brings you joy and peace. Just rely on your strength of character and sense of humor:)

It will be ten years since my own mother's passing, and the holidays are always so bittersweet. But, I do agree that withdrawing is the worst alternative.

I hope the holidays and the coming year brings you joy and peace. Just rely on your strength of character and sense of humor:)

This will be the year we whip out all the holiday stories from when we were little. My brother and I always wanted the scraggly trees, like in the Charlie Brown Christmas special. Some of our trees were truly hilarious. :-)

It will be ten years since my own mother's passing, and the holidays are always so bittersweet. But, I do agree that withdrawing is the worst alternative.

She definitely wouldn't have wanted us to stop celebrating! Last year I dreaded the holidays, this year I'm looking forward to them. I know it's going to be hard, and there will *certainly* be tears, but we have a lot of happy memories and funny stories to get us through. :-)

:::strokes Foxmonkey’s silky mane:::

JC: To quote Plutarch, "not by lamentations and mournful chants ought we to celebrate the funeral of a good woman, but by hymns, for in ceasing to be numbered with mortals she enters upon the heritage of a diviner life." I hope it gets better, darling.

Justin: I think I'm gonna go call my mama. :::sniffle:::

:::HuGs:::

for in ceasing to be numbered with mortals she enters upon the heritage of a diviner life

Wow, lovely quote! I've never heard that before. Thank you for that. :-) (((Xaos)))

First of all, I didn't know abouy your loss of your mother until now and I am very sorry to hear that. Though I cannot say that my mom and I are very close, I don't know how would be like if she were gone. I'm from a country with no endearments, hugs and kisses between family and we rarely show our affection to anyone, especially to your own family, but I think I am going to tell her to say thank you.
I hope you will have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas this year.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}

I'm so sorry for your loss.

{{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My deepest sympathies for you, and admiration for being able to move on.

*hugs back* Thank you. :-)

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A year without Mom.

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Sadness and smiles

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She knew....

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