Movie critiques. Why stop now?

[foxmonkey]

I have just watched the slashiest movie ever made. Ever. Bar none. *The* slashiest. It's The Return of the King, for those of you who don't know. I bought the DVD a week or so ago, and I've been looking forward to watching it.

There's three hours and 20 minutes of my life I won't get back. ::grrrr::

But before I jump into that, here's a PSA for anyone who missed JC's Faking the Video the first (second, eighty-fifth) times around - it's on again tonight at 8:30 p.m. Woohoo!

Cutting for those who still haven't seen it, or have no interest in my *fascinating* thoughts on this movie.



I read in someone's LJ - in comments to something else, I think - that if left up to them, they'd have trimmed a half hour off RotK. DUDE, why stop there? I could probably cut a good hour off the thing.

Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Too long, waaaaaay too long! I wonder if Peter Jackson just couldn't bear to let go? The thing won eleven Oscars and has been vindicated, but YIKES, that was way too long. He could have tightened it up, easily.

And I hate, hate, hate movies that end multiple times. There's no way I'm going to load it up to count, but there must have been at least four endings. Aragorn was crowned king. The Hobbits went back to the Shire. The Hobbits left the Shire. Bilbo and Frodo sail away with the Elves. Sam goes back to the Shire. Kill me! Kill me now!!! Tying up loose ends I can appreciate but there's got to be a better way to go about it.

I loved the first two movies, so the fact that this one fell so far below par (for me, at any rate), really disappointed me, and most of it was due to the length of the film and the pacing. Waiting for the ghost army to show up had me screaming at the TV. Watching Frodo and Sam inch their way up the volcano had me frothing at the mouth. Again with Gollum and the ring at the very last minute!!! I get it, it's suspense. Quit hitting me over the head with it, already.



And now a little love to balance out the vitriol: I am so in love with the Hobbits. I've never considered myself a Hobbit girl (Legolas has my heart) but man alive, this was definitely their movie. I warmed up to them big time in the second one, but this one put me over. If I had to pick a favorite, it would be Pippin. Hobbit love makes me squishy.

Aragorn! Eeeeee! How sexy is he? Love the way he walks, that kind of "yeah, I'm bad" side to side moving thing he does. Not a swagger, but he definitely oozes confidence.

Legolas!!! How I love Legolas. I'm not sure what the difference was, but he looked even more gorgeous in this movie. I love his fight scenes because he's the baddest thing out there. It's no wonder he and Aragorn are sooper-sekrit boyfriends. Or maybe not so sooper-sekrit. ;-)

This movie is all about boylove. Sam and Frodo. Pippin and Merry. Gimli loves Legolas but sadly, Legolas belongs to Aragorn. And I can forgive Aragorn for being in love with Arwen the Elf girl because it's obvious that Legolas is his *true* love.

When Legolas comes to visit you know he and Aragorn disappear for a few days. Arwen's cool with it because she understands that you just can't fight the boylove.

Comments

[feenie.livejournal.com]

*sniff* You no likey!?!? :(

My fave out of the three is TTT but RoTK is a close second. I adored this movie. Long? Really?!

I can't wait for the EE which is like another 40-45 mins more!!


Really? No likey?

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

I can't wait for the EE which is like another 40-45 mins more!!

Aiiiii! EXTENDED edition!? See, this one felt like the director's cut to me. 40 minutes more??? Now, if it's 40 minutes of the untold story of Aragorn and Legolas' sekrit love, well, I'm down with that. ;-)

My fave out of the three is TTT but RoTK is a close second.

I think that's my favorite too. The walking trees! I loved those, and that's where I learned to appreciate the Hobbits. Also, Legolas swinging around on that galloping horse while shooting arrows... ::le sigh::

[feenie.livejournal.com]

Now, if it's 40 minutes of the untold story of Aragorn and Legolas' sekrit love, well, I'm down with that. ;-)
Oh, who wouldn't?!!? Umm...rumour has it there might be some 'joke' reel where we see Legolas/Orlando vamping it up.

Also, Legolas swinging around on that galloping horse while shooting arrows... ::le sigh::
And don't forget the boarding incident down the stairs at Helm's Deep!!!


PS...you do know that the horse scene with the wargs is all cgi?

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

PS...you do know that the horse scene with the wargs is all cgi?

I know. :-) Doesn't detract from Legolas' bad assedness for me, though. :-)

[feenie.livejournal.com]

:-D

I had to explain it to my parents that it really wasn't Legolas doing that trick. *sigh* Then again my dad thinks Legolas is too pretty to be a boy.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

my dad thinks Legolas is too pretty to be a boy.

LOL! He's right. ;-)

[feenie.livejournal.com]

Dad is up on the pretty boys....me and my 12 yr old neice keep him well informed.

He refuses to believe that Orlando Bloom is really Legolas;he can't get over the change in appearance. *snort* He wants to know why the cast was soooo close; he thinks there was some "shennagins going on".

Dad is good like that, nothing bothers him like pretty boys with pretty boys.

[myorangecrush.livejournal.com]

I saw it at the cinema twice, the second time just before it went off. LOADS of people left at the first ending.

I think it should have finished as Aragon got crowned. That lovely shot going over the city looking down at them all. The rest of it, extended edition DVD thankyou.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

I think it should have finished as Aragon got crowned. That lovely shot going over the city looking down at them all. The rest of it, extended edition DVD thankyou.

Yes! That's when I thought it was ending. But no! It went on! AND ON!!!

I agree, the other bits would have been nice in the extended version. Actually, it felt like I was watching the director's cut.

[mandaspeaks.livejournal.com]

RoTK is my Favorite. Movie. Ever.

Pippin and Merry!!!! Theirloveissoincestual!

When Pippin finds Merry after the battle!!! GAH!

"Are you going to leave me?"

"No, Merry, I'm going to look after'yeh."

LOVETHEM.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

Pippin and Merry!!!! Theirloveissoincestual!

Dude, I'm tellin' ya! There were a couple of times where I was sure the Hobbits were about to go into liplock!!! They're so cute. I love me some Hobbits, especially Pippin.

The multiple ending I *did* like was the tavern scene when they first come home and they're sitting at that table. I was thinking I'd like to see a Hobbit movie with the four of them. And a movie solely about Legolas and Aragorn.

[roselily87.livejournal.com]

but there must have been at least four endings. Aragorn was crowned king. The Hobbits went back to the Shire. The Hobbits left the Shire. Bilbo and Frodo sail away with the Elves. Sam goes back to the Shire. Kill me! Kill me now!!!

seriously! I completely agree with you. I thought the movie was never going to end.

[hegemony.livejournal.com]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the best part ROtK in one sentence.

When Legolas comes to visit you know he and Aragorn disappear for a few days. Arwen's cool with it because she understands that you just can't fight the boylove.

*giggles* I hated the multiple ending thing, but a few friends of mine said to be prepared for 12, you count 'em, 12 diffrent endings. I wanted Gimli to be tossed like a small child and for Sam and Frodo to just kiss already. There really was too much movie for me to take there. Really. I'm not saying it was worse than Troy's three hours, now. But it was bad.

And besides, Legolas kinda turned into captian obvious for a while, there. I can't watch the 'a Diversion!' part without gut busting laughter.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

a few friends of mine said to be prepared for 12, you count 'em, 12 diffrent endings.

At LEAST! That absolutely drives me nuts when movies do that. You're all emotionally invested for the end of the film and then...BAM! Another freakin' ending! Twelve times!!!

I wanted Gimli to be tossed like a small child

ROFLMAO! My ribs hurt from laughing so hard.

Sam and Frodo to just kiss already.

I swear, when they were saying goodbye at the Elf boat, I would have put five bucks on a bet that they were about to kiss. Seriously. If Sam and Frodo had kissed that would have entirely redeemed the thing for me.

And besides, Legolas kinda turned into captian obvious for a while, there. I can't watch the 'a Diversion!' part without gut busting laughter.

Bwahahaha! I'm telling you, the flames were jumping off the screen! I've seen some slashy flicks, but that was by far the slashiest movie I've ever seen. Those longing looks between Aragorn and Legolas? OH! My favorite part, at the end when they do the shoulder clasp just before Arwen appears? Eeeeee! That's my LotR OTP right there.

[feenie.livejournal.com]

Those longing looks between Aragorn and Legolas? OH! My favorite part, at the end when they do the shoulder clasp just before Arwen appears? Eeeeee! That's my LotR OTP right there.

See!?!?! I knew it!!!! Everyone thinks that Aragorn got the wrong elf!!!!

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

Everyone thinks that Aragorn got the wrong elf!!!!

I comfort myself with the thought that Legolas no doubt came to visit at Midsummer's Eve and Winter Solstice, stayed for a few weeks during big hunts and harvests and such. There are probably tons of little nooks and crannies for the two of them to slip into.

Theirloveissoepic!

[coolwhipdiva.livejournal.com]

Oh well, I'll jump in and say YAY for the multiple endings. I liked the way each of the storylines had an actual ending.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

I liked the way each of the storylines had an actual ending.

I approve of tying up storylines, no fault there, but I think it could have been done a bit more smoothly. That's another thing that makes me itch, unresolved story lines - didn't have that worry here, though. ;-)

[feenie.livejournal.com]

That's another thing that makes me itch, unresolved story lines - didn't have that worry here, though. ;-)

THAT is what the EE version is for!!! :)

[lisachasez.livejournal.com]

I'm not a big LOTR fan, and won't argue the slashyness of the movie. However, the slashyest movie I've ever seen is Ben-Hur. I kid you not.

[foxmonkey.livejournal.com]

the slashyest movie I've ever seen is Ben-Hur. I kid you not.

Ben-Hur! I love that movie!!! Slashy, to be sure, but I'm still voting for RotK.

What's your favorite scene in Ben-Hur? Maybe when Judah and Messala meet up again for the first time since they were kids? Throwing the javelin - symbolism much? ;-) I think that's the slashiest scene for me.

[lisachasez.livejournal.com]

I do love that first scene, but I also love when Messala comes back to the house, and Judah's mother is fussing over them both.

[nopseud]

I could cut out half an hour just of Elijah Wood staring like he has major constipation all bug-eyed like a creepy alien mournfully into the distance, and then go hunting for more.